Well I promised a proper update so I better deliever!! Firstly can I say a big THANK YOU to you all for your comments again yesterday. It's funny to read them, knowing what I did and yet it's hard to believe I was still given the opportunity with the permanent post!!
Anyway all morning yesterday I was sitting there panicking (it seems to be what I do best :-) about the interview, the test etc.......I was trying to run through interview questions in my head and trying to concentrate on the job I was doing. About 11.30 Mike put me out of my misery and started me off for my test. Basic questions only about 5 of them and all dealing with what I've been doing for the past six months. A blast I think to myself.........................Although the calculator that was provided didn't work properly for me, every time I pressed the + button, I don't know what it was doing but it certainly wasn't adding anything!! Soon my 15 mins were up and I went and sat back down at my desk. Big boss Julian was late leaving his room so that just prolonged my agony.........
Eventually he leaves and Janice comes and gets me. Still panicking I enter the room, and sit down. Janice decides to start the process of by telling me how I did on my test. I got EVERY question bar one wrong!! Apparently I'd done better the first time I'd gone for the job, when I hadn't even done it before!! This upset me because I'd felt like I'd let myself down.....after going through that they proceeded with the interview. It went from bad to worse!! I wasn't explaining how I had done that in a similiar situation, I was telling them how I could handle it. Not proving I'd done it but telling them what I would do..................I hope your understanding this!! I couldn't understand what I was doing I knew I was ballsing it up but I couldn't bring it back to make myself sound good. It was like I'd known I'd failed the test so the destruction button was pressed and I decided to fail the interview too. I came out of the room depressed, I can't even explain why, because I was unsure whether I wanted the job or not. Pauline asked how it went and I said I'd f***ed it up!! (please excuse my language!!) I then went for a breather and locked myself in the loo, and yes, I admit tears did fall from my eyes, which is a bit of a shameful thing to admit but I'd let myself down big time and I didn't know what to do next!!
There was only one other candidate, a young boy who had apparently just sat a Maths degree at Uni and was awaiting his results. All the time he was being interviewed I just kept thinking they should give it to him, they are gonna give it to him. At least I would have a job till December (which is when the girl on maternity leave is supposedly due back). I just didn't fancy the prospect of being unemployed at xmas. He left and after a while Janice came to fetch me. I thought this is it!!
She explained about my crappy test and even worse interview and that they both know I can do better than that and would like to offer my the job. Stunned I just sat there thinking this is mad!! She asked what I thought and I responded, well I'm shocked. She said I knew you were gonna say that, because you lack confidence. We know you can do the job and you've got what it takes, but you don't seem to think you can! It went on like that for a while, but they also mentioned the fact that it's not easy to be interviewed by people you knew!!
This is true and I've been interviewed once before for a post which I was doing and was supposed to get but I ruined that too but nobody was appointed to the post in the end. My manager at the time was annoyed with me because not only did I answer a question wrong I did not sell myself enough in her opinion!!
Back to the job I've been offered, I should've been happy but I didn't!! Even though it was offered to me I still couldn't get over how I had let myself down and if it wasn't for their belief in me I wouldn't have got it. It made me think how long would it have been, if I hadn't got it, till I got offered another job. Especially around xmas!! Anyway I was depressed and didn't feel like celebrating and still don't..................Plus feeling ill didn't help!! Pauline just said I told you so and Celeste said it was nice to have me on the team........bless!!
Well that's my sorry tale, call me stupid if you like but I hate this lack of confidence........what can I do about it?? What bothers me more is where did it come from?? But that's another entry for another day.....................
Hope you all have a good weekend, Trina and I have a dress fitting tomorrow........arrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh..........LOL
Take care
Jen xx 
10 comments:
I don't know what you do about a lack of confidence.
But other people have faith and trust in you!
I cannot help because I have never had confidence but I could always do the job and I just know that you can as well. Once you get settled in, confidence will grow.
Saying affirmations really help me in this area. I have some post on affermations in my older journal entries from last month or the month before.
Take Care,
Gabreael
Very very difficult when interviewed by people you know......but they 'know' you and rightly so they knew it was just nerves Jen. An upsetting day but a brilliant outcome and much deserved sooooooooo CONGRATULATIONS>>>>>and Cliff sings in the background lol. Well done Jen.~xxR
once you get settled into your job, your confidence will increase I am sure. I had little confidence when I was younger but it has increased with age. Big congrats on getting the job............Jules xxxx
http://journals.aol.co.uk/jules19642001/Itsmylife/
Jen, you might think that you let yourself down on the test and in the interview, but that's just one day, in difficult circumstances. The rest of the time you've done really well, so well that they offered you the job despite the lousy interview! What's more important? That you messed up one time, or that the rest of the time you've been just what they needed?
((((()))))'s to you :o)
Sara x
I`ll tell you what I think shall I? Well I`ll tell you anyway...lol! I don`t think it was lack of confidence, just sheer terror at thought of the interview. I say that because I`m like that in an interview situation. I`m so bad that when I`m asked questions I`m lucky if I know my own name! How I`ve ever been employed I don`t know. But don`t be too hard on yourself, they obviously know that you are very good at your job and that`s why you got it! Well done Jen :-)
Sandra xxx
Interviews can be really nerve-wracking things! They certainly wouldn't have offered you the job if they felt that you weren't up to it, so you must be! Lack of confidence, how to overcome it??? I'm still working on it myself but it's worth a try! Just keep telling yourself that you can and that you deserve everything good! Eventually it might stick!
http://journals.aol.co.uk/irisclyde/LaDolceVita
Some people are good at interviews, bubbling with confidence and saying all the right things. But they turn out to be rubbish when they get the actual job. You, on the other hand, have proved that you can do the job and are the best candidate - and that's far more valuable and important than just being able to bluff people with an oscar-winning performance at an interview! Believe it! And believe in yourself - you CAN do stuff, and you ARE worth it!
David.
sweetie, confidence will come with time, you just have to be comfortable in your own skin. If others have faith in your abilities it must be for a reason. I know they have a bad reputation but i read this book, feel the fear and do it anyway. I can say honestly that it helped. Try a self help book.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/shermeen0621/PublicThoughts/
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